Fantastic Beasts and How to Move Them

You know how it is, you’re about 288 pages into The Goblet of Fire, and you’re stumped by an unanswered question…

How did those four dragons get to Hogwarts? We know they come from a Romanian rescue centre, but how did they travel?

At first you think, duh, magic!

But then your HP nerd-brain* kicks in and says,

a) that would clearly violate magical creature welfare regulations (which surely Hogwarts just wouldn’t do) and,

b) YOU CAN’T APPARATE WITHIN HOGWARTS GROUNDS, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?

So… how?

Well, luckily for you, we’re logistics people. People who get all sorts of stuff from A to B. So, yeah, we’ve got this.

*don’t pretend you don’t have one.

STEP 1: EMPLOY CHARLIE WEASLEY.

You’re gonna need some dragonologist expertise. A stocky man of calm and callus.

STEP 2: CAREFULLY EXPLAIN THE PLAN TO THE DRAGONS.

They aren’t known for listening skills, but hey, at least you tried

STEP 3: PLOT ROUTE, COORDINATE MUGGLE, AIRSPACE CLEARANCE.

Know where you’re going; know when you’ll need invisibility charms. Don’t cause a diplomatic incident or the Minister of Magic will be cross.

STEP 4: CHARTER CARGO PLANE.

Broomsticks won’t do it. You need a cargo plane that has one of those action-film ‘hatch’ openings at the back. For mid-flight snack access…

STEP 5: LOAD SNACKS.

This is the real magic. Get plenty; it’s a 4 hour flight and there are 4 dragons. They like goats, cattle, house elves, small children and sweet & salty popcorn. So any of them.

STEP 6: HARNESS DRAGONS.

Maybe get Charlie to do this bit. They don’t tend to like putting the harnesses on. Ensure each harness is just longer than 10m (flame range).

STEP 7: FLY.

Distribute snacks at even intervals. Horntails tend to be greedier, so watch for the ambush.

STEP 8: RELEASE (AND RELAX).

Let Charlie remove the harnesses (and take the burns). Return plane. Then kick back and allow dragons to attempt to maim students in the name of international magical cooperation.